September 11, 2012
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TOUGH.
Dealing with depression is really hard. But, unlike BPD, it's not hard on my emotions. It's physically painful. My joints ache and my body is heavy. Lifting my eyelids in the morning and getting out of bed is like running a marathon. It's draining. Everyday tasks like taking out the trash, cleaning my room, or even feeding myself, take a long time. Nothing is motivating. I work a full time job. The people that I work with have no personality, for the most part. They're mindless drones that have never produced a single unique thought in their heads. I find it very hard to connect with anyone, and I try often. The more effort that I pour into my relationships with people, the more that I feel distraught. Regardless of how I feel about someone, it's extremely difficult to let anyone go. I put so much blind faith into people. Everyone is worth a damn, so here are a thousand chances. Feel free to walk all over me. People take advantage of my kindness. I've let people live with me completely rent free that have been so ungrateful and left me completely empty. When I am having a tough time, these people have disappeared on me. Why do things work out that way? In more recent times, things have been better. I'm no longer friends with people that are human disease. I'm spending more time out of my cave than ever before. I have people around that are genuine. Why can't I be happy? My body will not allow it. I feel trapped. What does anyone else do to break this feeling? I don't want to medicate myself.
Comments (2)
I know the feeling. You say something positive here however: "I have people around that are genuine. "
Well that's great! Spend time with them, love them, tell them you care for them! These positive feelings and relationships will conterbalance the depression. Trust me. That's how I survived. Good luck.
Thanks ^__^
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